


I'm fine

by multicoloured_weasel



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), References to Depression, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 13:50:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11314719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multicoloured_weasel/pseuds/multicoloured_weasel
Summary: „I'm fine", he says and keeps on going.„I'm alright", is what he keeps telling himself too.„I'm doing great", he shouts to his audience.But was that the truth?





	I'm fine

**Author's Note:**

> I had this one for a while already but never posted it online. I never knew if I should or not but now that Spiderman Homecoming is close to be released, I kind of felt as if it would be the last chance to share this piece. I don't know, I just feel like it'll be better to read something post Civil War without knowing how Tony was doing yet.

„I'm fine", he says and keeps on going. 

„I'm alright", is what he keeps telling himself too. 

„I'm doing great", he shouts to his audience. 

He's always smiling and giving the people around him a good time. He's always sending out good vibes, being all charismatic. People like this are mostly full of energy but it seemed like this person was losing his energy more and more.

„Why do I constantly feel so tired?" 

Tony stared at Dum-E for a moment as if the robot would actually be able to answer the question. But all it did was to turn to the desk and push the coffee mug closer to it's creator. Tony raised one eyebrow. „Coffee to keep me awake?" He sighed. „I guess this counts as an answer. Thanks Dummy." He did even pat his robot before he grabbed for his coffee mug to sip.

But still. 

He was tired and he kept being it. It wasn't even because of his sleeping shedule. Tony started to sleep alot more now than he usually did and that was a really good step forward. Or... at least it should have been. He wasn't even doing alot of superheroing at the moment, which he was really glad about. It wouldn't be that easy to keep the world save alone right now. With Pepper pretty much being able to run his company so well, he had been able to even have some more freetime. He mostly used this time to lookout for his little spider. And Peter was just... something. This kid has alot of potential but still needs to learn alot of things. There had acutally been some moments in which Peter reminded Tony of himself, which made him wonder if this was exactly what Pepper dealt with the whole time too. But it was interesting to see where this kid is heading towards. Peter has such a pure heart and a unique way of thinking. He does fuck up alot of times, no question. But that's what kids do. The most interesting thing about Peter lays in his future though.  
So there was that. 

Tony recovered of all the injuries he took at the time where the Avengers broke apart. He's still disappointed about how things turned out back then and honestly does even feel extremely guilty. But there was nothing to change this anymore. It's how it was. It's not like the world stopped existing.  
The whole quarrel opened his eyes a little and made him think and rethink about alot of things. Tony changed his way of living. Tried to be a way better man, helped out wherever he could, tried to keep going forward and help the world to become a better and a saver place.

But he was so tired. 

Tony placed his mug back onto the desk and leaned into his chair. He closed his eyes, slowly breathed in and then out again. He kept repeating it until he eventually fell asleep. 

Turned out that this scenario kept happening in various places too. 

The state of tiredness became permanent.

He had a feeling of what the state could actually be but at the same time hoped that it wasn't what he thought it is. So he just kept telling himself he was alright. It wasn't a huge deal, was it? Just keep drinking coffee. That'll do it right? 

But all the denying came back at him like a punch into his face. He was at an event and talked to his audience, standing on the stage with a microphone linked to his ear. He kept taking in all the questions and aswered them, when he suddenly slowly started to drift away as if he was about to fall asleep right on the stage.  
„Stark? Sir?"  
„Hmm?" Tony raised his eyebrows and looked around, feeling all those staring eyes on him. “I'm really sorry, I didn't catch that. Say again?"  
The man started talking again, but once more, Tony couldn't take in the whole question. He just catched some words like: Think, Avengers and reunite.

„I... Uhh..." 

Tony shook his head when he all of the sudden started to feel an aching pain in his head. He tried to cover it all up with a followed up smile though. „I'm sorry. I think I didn't..." And then suddenly his sight went all blury and the ache in his head took over. A loud noise made it's way into his hearing, matching to the sudden ubearable pain. He eventually fell down to his knees while pressing both his hands onto his ears. „Ugh-" He felt how someone grabbed for his shoulder, maybe one of the moderators? But he couldn't even open his eyes anymore. He couldn't hear what they said, just felt the pain and wanted it to stop.

 

„Tony?" 

 

Tony slowly opened his eyes. A bright light came towards him, leading him to close his eyes again. „Where...?"

„I know that you hate hospitals, that's why I got you back to the Facility again." A chuckle was hearable.

Tony now fully opened his eyes, taking in the bright light until his sight got used to it. „God." Tony smiled. „Rhodey, your chuckles are my medicine man." He slowly started to sit up in his bed and figured out that Rhodey sat beside him on a chair.

„How do you feel?"

Tony streched and yawned as if he awakened out of a deep slumber. „Good. I think."  
He raised one eyebrow and tried to remember what exactly happened.  
And he did with a facepalm right away. 

„It's alright Tony."

„Alright? That's just embarassing."

Rhodey shook his head. „No, Tony. Actually. Are you aware of the cause of why that happend up there?" 

Tony frowned. „A headeache in combination with... I don't know. Not enough sleep maybe? Or too much coffee." He shrugged it off. „Nevermind. It-"

„Nevermind? No. You need to take better care of yourself, Sir. The doctors statement to this was that you're being overworked."

Tony snorted. „Yeah, of course. You know that-"

„Yes, I know that you actually got some weights off you with all the work lately. But still. You're stressed out." Rhodey raised an eyebrow, signalising his friend to seriously take better care of himself. 

„Don't give me this look." Tony pushed his sheets away and turned around directly sitting across from Rhodey now. „The doctor was reading too much into it. This was one single incident. I'm doing completely fine."  
It was now that Rhodeys crutches catched his sight. They were standing against the nightstand right next to them.  
Rhodeys crutches... Tony won't ever get used to this sight. He turned his head and opened his mouth but Rhodey already answered his unspoken question.

„I'm doing fine too, thanks. I'm able to walk better every single day." 

And there was that heartwarming smile again. It always got Tony to smile too, but still. There will always be that little sting in his heart just seeing Rhodey walking around with those crutches.  
It could have been prevented.  
Alot of things actually.  
Pretty much _everything_ that happened...

 

Various of days past by in which Tony got back to do his usual work. 

Checking in by Stark Industries, looking out for his Underoos to see how he's doing or what things he fucked up again. _Usually followed up with a little bit of superheroing._ Going to events, leading fundraises. The usual stuff. 

But there still was this feeling. This state of being tired. And it evolved. He was either tired, didn't felt like doing anything at all while wanting to do everythig at the same time as well, or just felt like nothing. The overall feelings which took over his daily life now. Tired, indecisive, emptyness.

And depending on what kind of things, people or thoughts crossed his way and mind, then especially guilt. 

„Sir. I recommend you to lower your caffeine intake." 

Tony lowered his cup of coffe and stared at it for a moment until he decided to put it down. „Thank you Friday."  
He didn't realize how much coffee he had been drinking lately and it really wasn't good for him. He knew and felt how it made his heart race faster and his nerves going a little crazy. It's what he was actually looking for right now, it made him feel awake for a little while. But never did it hold on. 

Tony sighed. He didn't know what to do. He didn't felt like talking to people but he didn't felt like staying home as well. He looked outside of a window and realized that it had already been dark outside. The day flew by fast, damn.  
So it was night. But he didn't wanted to sleep, didn't wanted to work or even tinker. And that was a very rare occasion right there.  
He slowly breathed in, which made him think about fresh air. Maybe some fresh air would be nice? But he does not want to walk either.  
Tony sighed and began his way out to the garden. 

It's weird how he realized just now, when he walked across a part of the Facility to get out, how big this place was. How big, dark, silent and empty. It was kind of scary. 

Tony staid still mid way to look around him. He was in here alone. He often was. Very rarely did some people like Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Vision or Helen Cho come by to stay for a while. 

It was really... something. Realizing this just now was like a slap to his face. The darkness of this room laid heavy on him and the silence started to make him feel very uncomfortable. He wanted to get out. Do something. Just away from this lifeless place. 

It didn't took Tony to long to call for his suit and jet away. 

So there he was, flying.  
Just flying around without having a destination to head towards to. 

_And it actually felt nice._

Doing this remebered him about how much he enjoyed to fly around with his suit. How happy he always got while doing so. He was flying like a bird and no one could ever stop him. It was too long since the last time he's done this. To just... fly. To fly without having to think about how to serve a punch, a beam or a missile. Without cracking his head open about which lives could be in danger, without constantly thinking everything he's doing through.  
There was no battle and no one here to be in possible danger.  
There was just him, the suit and the dark sky full of stars.  
He was free.

_And he finally felt alive again._


End file.
